Sex is one of the primary pleasures of life. It can support connection, intimacy, health, and happiness. It is often one of the most exciting parts of a relationship. But sometimes in long-term relationships the desire and passion can wane a bit. Or if you are single, it can be challenging to keep the flame burning on your own. Here are a few ways to find your passion again, alone or with a partner.
Move Your Body
Exercise is one of the most important gifts we can give our bodies. It keeps us healthy and gives us more energy – key factors for libido. It also stimulates the release of brain chemicals that make us feel good. If you are not feeling in the mood, dance, jog, or even just go for a brisk walk with your partner. Bonus points for exercise you can do together. Dance especially is great because of the rhythm, connection, and fun it can inspire.
But any kind of exercise is great for spicing up your sex life. Right away the burst of endorphins and energy will help turn you on. And over time, consistent exercise will make it easier for you to be at a low simmer and ready for action more often.
Feel Your Body
Awakened sexuality requires an awareness of our bodies. Arousal is an effect of embodiment. If you are in your head all day at your desk job, being present in your body with your partner can be really challenging. To feel more embodied on a regular basis, practice mind-body techniques like yoga, qigong, Alexander technique, and embodiment-based dance forms like 5 Rhythms.
Feed Your Body
Diet plays a huge part in our energy and passion levels. Heavy and processed foods decrease libido. If you want to feel sexier, lay off anything fried, sugary, or processed. Baked goods are definite passion killers, after the initial sugar buzz wears off. Drinking alcohol, smoking, and eating meat also tend to decrease libido and attractiveness. To feel more turned on, treat your body like the luscious temple you want it to be.
Go for foods that naturally increase libido. These include healthy fats like avocados and olives, nuts like almonds, foods high in omega-3s like chia seeds, raw cacao and other magnesium-rich foods, foods high in zinc like sesame seeds, and luscious fruits like mangos and strawberries.
Love Your Body
It is easier to feel sexy in your body when you love and appreciate it. If you are constantly judging your body, it can be hard to get turned on or feel attractive to your partner. Whatever your size, shape, or age, learn to really love your body. Exercise, yoga, positive affirmations, spa treatments, and self-care rituals like baths and massage are all great ways to cultivate more body love.
Talk It Out
Communication is great foreplay. Holding resentment or hiding things kills passion. If you have any unspoken issues in your relationship, bringing them out into the open can make space for the spark to return. Increasing intimacy of any kind – emotional, mental, or physical – engenders greater connection and intimacy in the bedroom.
It is also important to communicate during the act. Even if you and your partner are totally present and engaged with each, speaking your desires during foreplay and lovemaking can help it be as enjoyable as possible for both of you. And speaking words of love and appreciation before and during the act both help you feel sexier to each other, and increase your connection.
Sometimes it helps to have tools for certain jobs. Visit a reputable sex toy shop, alone or with your partner. Even if you do not purchase anything, just the ideas and fantasies that arise in a place like that can get your engines running. And if you do find a toy you want to experiment with, it can open up a whole new dimension in your self-pleasuring or lovemaking.
Indulge in Fantasies
Appropriate use of imagination can go a long way in spicing up our sex lives. If you are in a trusting partnership, communicate your fantasies to your partner. Ask him or her to share fantasies with you. If there are any that are similar, or at least feel comfortable to both of you, act them out. Role-play and other types of fantasy can really help bring passion back into a relationship. If you are single, try reading erotic literature in a genre that turns you on, or writing your own.
True sexiness is a sign of health. When we are caring for our bodies with exercise, nourishing food, mind-body-spirit practices, and positive self-regard, it is easier to allow our passion to flow. Sexiness is a natural extension of overall vitality. If you are feeling lacking in the intimacy department, care for your body, explore your fantasies, and communicate freely.