There is nothing more important in life than that we be true to who we really are. There are times when we find ourselves amongst friends and suddenly wonder why we are there. It may be that we feel we are never able to be ourselves with them. Or we no longer agree with what they say or do. We are afraid, however, to speak up. If you are frightened you may lose your friends, here are some important things to bear in mind:
Those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind Dr Suess
We should never have to bend ourselves in different directions just to please those around us. Instead, we should find people who love and support us just the way we are. We want to feel comfortable being ourselves around our friends. Im sure that you have had people point out your potential failings. Those who are told theyre too quiet often want to be chatty and outgoing. However, talk to a chatty, outgoing person and chances are theyve been told they are too noisy or outspoken. Ultimately we can only be who we are. Who we are is beautifully unique and there is a divine reason for our individuality. Once we start to accept who we are, then it invites those around us to accept us for who we are. As Wayne Dyer says, What other people think of me is none of my business. Who we actually are is our business. We need to be true to ourselves and if our friends mind then maybe theyre not ones who matter.
Friendships Come and Go
Losing a friendship can be painful. It can be as painful as separating from a partner. It can carry elements of loss, nostalgia and wondering where it went wrong. You can feel hurt, confused or even rejected. However, it is normal over a life time to have friendships that endure, friendships that fade and friendships that outright fracture. During our lifetimes we grow and change. We share our lives with different people at different times. Sometimes we outgrow even our closest friends. We develop new ways of seeing the world and leave our friends behind. It may be necessary to express that you dont feel the same anymore, or to gradually move away from someone who is holding you back, or with whom you no longer share common ground. Let the relationship go with love, and reassure yourself that whenever we let go of the old, we create space for the new to come in. There is a saying about friends: they will be in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. See if you can find the reason this person may have been in your life and bless them for the gift they have given to you.
Good Friends Will Appreciate Your Honesty
We learn and grow when we are pushed to consider things from different viewpoints, or when someone points out our blind spots, or encourages us to take new action. If we are always agreeing with the people around us, regardless of what we instinctively think or feel, we may be enabling them to remain in destructive or unhelpful behaviors or beliefs. I personally find it refreshing when I know where I stand with someone. I have friends who are always honest. They say how they feel in any situation and they honor their own needs and desires. I appreciate knowing that they are doing or saying something because they want to and its what they believe. I appreciate that I never need to worry whether I have offended them, or whether they are going out of their way for me, because I know they will always tell me. I trust them implicitly.
Sometimes its a Good Thing to Keep it to Yourself
There are times when it is a good idea not to share everything with your friends, however loving and well-meaning there are. If you are making some radical changes in your life, perhaps a healthy eating regime, or a business plan, or using positive affirmations, when these plans are in the early stages they are vulnerable and need to be protected. How many times have you been excited about a change you want to make, shared it with a friend and felt your enthusiasm wane in light of their well-intentioned pessimism? In this instance, it can be best to tend your seeds and shoots with gentle protection. Once the roots have grown stronger then you may want to share your wonderful growth with those around you. Similarly, it may not always be kind to share your thoughts and feelings with others. They may be too vulnerable to hear your wisdom or advice. Ask them whether or not they would like to hear your honest thoughts. Allow them to decide what would be best for them.